Hesitation

I really wish that I was an organized person. As I sit here looking at my desk in my home office, I see scattered papers and miscellaneous flotsam and jetsam that has no business being on a desk. That isn't the worst of it, though. The worst is my habit of procrastinating. Not just any kind of procrastination. It's the kind where I physically cannot force myself to do what I need to. For example, if I have an assignment to give a talk, I have the worst time just sitting down and writing. Unless I have an idea in mind, I waffle and waver and refuse to get going. It's very frustrating.

I was at a convention over the weekend. It isn't the type where people wear funny hats and talk about new forms of orthodontia. Actually, it was a religious gathering where we are taught from the Bible. Now, I find the topics entirely interesting, but then my ADD kicks in and I have the worst time focusing. Still, I got most of the info out of the weekend. But hiding at the back of my mind the whole time was the fact that I brought my laptop to the hotel to work on my assignment for the following Saturday, and never worked on it. Was I tired? Yes, but not to the point where I couldn't do the work. Was I lazy? Yes, but not to the point where I was immovable. Instead, I just dreaded doing the writing.

Anyway, I stayed home from work today to recuperate, take care of some "honey-do's", and write the talk. The first draft is done, and I'm sure I'll have to edit and cut and time it out to 30 minutes. I just wish I had finished it a week ago. Don't worry. By the time I have the next assignment, I'll forget the wish I just made and procrastinate again. I'll tell you about it...sometime.