Adult Beverages

Last night, I enjoyed a very nice meal out with friends. As part of this meal, I discovered a few things about various beverages of an adult nature.

1) Gin tastes funny. One friend ordered a gin martini made with cucumber. I could taste the cucumber, which in my opinion does not belong in any kind of beverage, and I could also taste the gin - which also does not belong in any beverage. Gin just has a funny, slightly nasty tang to it that makes it clear to me why people add tonic water to it: tonic water is more nasty than gin so it makes the gin taste acceptable. No gin beverages for me. Ever.

2) Herbs do not belong in martinis. Another friend ordered a martini that included mulled thyme. Thyme is good in so many different foods. I just don't like to see it floating in a chilled beverage.

3) Too many fruity things in an alcoholic beverage disqualifies it from being an alcoholic beverage. That goes for flavored booze as well. I heard one person describe a chocolate martini as a candy bar with a kick. No thanks.

4) Grey Goose makes a great martini! For myself, I decided to order a classic. A vodka martini made with Grey Goose vodka. It's powerful, for sure, but it also has a combination of flavors that is very appealing to me. It is clean and classy.

4b) I agree with Alton Brown of the show Good Eats: James Bond drinks a wimpy martini. Anyone who orders "shaken, not stirred" is ordering a beverage where the ice breaks and melts quickly in the martini, thus diluting it severely. If Bond was a real affectionado of martinis, he would want it pure, not watered down. Shame on you James.

5) Scotch is an acquired taste, and if you have not acquired that taste, scotch smells and tastes disgusting. I don't want to have to work hard to acquire the taste for something that is that expensive. In reality, I don't think I could acquire it even if I wanted to. I can't get past the smell of it!

So a new question is: Why did I write an entry about booze? The reason? I needed to write SOMETHING, because I haven't written in a long time. So, any comments should focus on what is good or bad in adult beverages. I will preface this by saying that you will not change my mind, so just speak your mind as expressing why you like or don't like something.

Writer's Block and Focus Issues

As some of you may know, I have hit a wall. Not a literal wall, although I sometimes wish it were so, but a figurative wall. It is a wall of my own making. It is a barrier as imposing as a mountain. It is, as you have guessed, writer's block.

The terrible thing about writer's block is that it should be easy to get past. One should be able to look at the computer, say, "Oh...this must be what writer's block feels like. I'd better get back to work!", and move along one's merry way, typing like an entire tome was going to pour out onto the page. Sadly, this is not the case.

Combine said block with the fact that I have attention deficit, and you see a horrible problem. In order to write, I have to be organized. In order to be organized, I have to be self-motivated. In order to be self-motivated, I have to have confidence. When I fail to be self-motivated, I feel guilty and dislike myself. Say goodbye to confidence.

What is the solution? Writing classes will tell you that brainstorming can help. That's where you sit at the computer and just start typing whatever pops into your head, no matter how nonsensical. It just involves letting the ideas flow from your mind and through your fingers. After the exercise is over, then you can either scan the document to see if there's anything you can use, file it away for future use, or delete it as a load of rubbish. But supposedly, it's like putting a crack in the dam. Once it's there, it's just a matter of time before the wall crumbles and the ideas pour out in a torrent.

Right.

And I'm Walt Whitman.

Still, it's kind of what I'm doing right now. I'm brainstorming. Just writing whatever pops into my head. Sort of. It's actually a rant with purpose.

I'll do better tomorrow. I promise.

Hugbees! Skittles! Wombats! (There goes that derailed train of thought again.)

Help a Webartist

Sorry I've been out of commission for a week. I've hit writer's block extraordinaire. However, I wanted to write this quick plea for assistance.

There is a webcomic that I have praised for awhile. It is called "Count Your Sheep" and is written by Adrian Ramos. It is a good-natured and clever strip that deserves attention.

Adrian has entered a new comic in a contest. It appears that this contest could really help his attempt to do this work full-time. The story is called "My T-Shirt Fairy Tale". Don't let the title fool you. It's pretty clever and merits a look.

So here is my request. Please go to:

www.zudacomics.com/node/1485

Register, read, and vote for "My T-Shirt Fairy Tale". Then, if you send Adrian your email address to: tshirtfairytale_fans@ymail.com, he will send you a little zip file of gifties, including an electronic version of a children's book he wrote.

His regular comic can be found at: countyoursheep.keenspot.com

I don't know Adrian personally, but I really like the heart behind his work. Please give him your vote. It won't cost you anything except a few minutes of your time, and a smile after reading his work.

Be back with my regular blog very soon.

Les Moto-crottes

*** This one's for a nagging person to tide her over. You know who I mean, Angela. It will probably be in the manuscript in some form, but I thought I'd throw it in here for fun. ***

As I walked through the outer suburbs of Paris, I learned a very important life lesson: keep glancing down as you walk. Now, one can't do this all of the time, unless one wants to become very close friends with a lamp post or the bottom of a long flight of Metro stairs. However, it is absolutely necessary in the areas that are not exactly Paris, but are suburbs attached to the city. There are land mines present. Not the kind that literally explode and do shrapnel damage. No, these little brown bombs are left behind by four-legged terrorists, and their "free to do as I wish" owners. If you wish to keep your shoes clean, you have to learn a couple of moves that, here in the U.S., might qualify you to join the Cirque de Soleil. It is a move called the "glance and dodge". Here's how the dance goes. As you walk, whether alone or with someone else, you must keep your eyes flashing downward, at least 10 feet ahead of where you expect to be. Upon seeing telltale evidence of sidewalk mines, your mind must, in a flash, determine whether you will dodge left, right, or gauge your steps to deftly walk over the pile without skipping a beat. Failure to do so may result in laughter, illness, mockery, or a new brand of disposable footwear.

This problem doesn't exist in Paris proper. I wasn't sure why. Nor was I sure how. Paris is a busy, crowded metropolis, with more sidewalks than one can count. I imagined an army of men in Ville de Paris green uniforms, pooper-scooper in hand, running down the sidewalks disarming the bombs before they can explode. It was only later that I found out that the City of Paris has an amazing tool for cleaning up the m***de. They are motorcycles equipped with vacuum systems that literally scoop up the poop as the rider travels along. They are affectionately called the moto-crottes, "crotte" being a slang term for, well...you know. I'm unsure how one would add this to a resume' or a job application. "Well, Monsieur Homme, I see that you worked for the City of Paris, but I can't really understand what a maitre des crottes actually does. Can you explain it?"

As for me, I think it's genius. While it would be even better if, instead of the dogs, the masters could be trained to clean up after their pooping poodles, the motorcycles with the vacuums are a brilliant way to keep the streets cleaner. And yet, it was my brother-in-law who gave me a better name for this equipment. He works for the City of Paris, and he knows all the in's and out's of what it takes to keep the streets clean. His name for the motorcycles? Caca-sakis.

You have to love that French sense of humor.

I Feel Old

As the title suggests, I'm feeling old tonight. Oh, not because I'm feeling sickly or run down or my hair is turning particularly grey or falling out (which it is). No, I'm feeling old because of my son.

Tonight, before he went to bed, he decided to point out to me that as of tomorrow, I am now the father of two children who are legally adults in all 50 states, and one who is nearly at that point.

As close as I came to smacking him across the room as he snickered at my attempts to ignore him, I had to admit that he was right. But what does it mean? Isn't age just a number? Of course it is. They say you're only as young as you feel. Right now, I feel old.

As I look back over the years, I realize just how quickly they have flown. It seems only yesterday that this now-adult son of mine was playing pick-up-sticks at his grandmother's dining room table and getting upset because he lost, whining in French because he couldn't speak English. It wasn't so long ago that I married his mother and he looked up at me and immediately started calling me "papa", accepting me as a father rather than a step father.

I think of my other son and can see him sitting on the floor watching cartoons while I tried to catch a quick nap after a 12 hour shift at work. I see myself reading him stories from his Sesame Street books while doing the voices for him and making him laugh.

Now I see two young men, taking their own places in the world. My hair is now salt and pepper, except on the top where it is deserting me quickly (the cowards). My knees are a bit creakier as I climb the stairs. There are lines forming where they were expected, and hair growing where it wasn't. And I ask myself, "How much did I miss? How much of their growing up did I miss because I was lazy or I wasn't prepared for how fast time would go?" I'm sure that I missed far too much, and I know that I would do a lot of it differently if I had to do it all again.

I'm not ready to be a grandfather, nor am I desirous to be one. Oh, it isn't because I don't like children. But I look at the world today, and I think back to how difficult it was to raise children when things were even a bit easier than they are now, and I realize just how tough it will be on the next generation.

I always believed that when considering the future, expect the end of this system of things tomorrow, but prepare in case it isn't. I really hope that paradise is soon and that God allows me to be a part of it. But I know that this system is in bad shape, and raising kids in it is a gargantuan task.

Still, I think back and wish that I would have had the opportunity to raise kids in perfect surroundings, with me being a perfect parent. And I know - it didn't happen that way. I can only hope that as my kids think back on their childhood, they feel that I didn't do such a bad job after all ... for an old man.

A Question About Vacationing

I would like to state up front that this posting is not intended to be a backhanded slap at anyone. Nor is it intended to be a forehanded slap at anyone. It isn't any kind of slap at all. I merely want to ask a question and follow it up with a suggestion.

Let me start of by saying that I have lived in California all of my life. I lived in southern California for the first 10 years, and have been up north ever since. I have noticed a phenomenon here that I cannot explain. I'm sure that it would make an interesting paper for some psychologist or sociologist trying to make a name for himself or herself. But for me, it is just a question. Here it is. Ready?

What is the deal with Californians fascination with Disneyland?

There. I've said it. I feel better.

Seriously, though, I have noticed that many Californians use their precious vacation time to travel to Anaheim year after year and go to Disneyland for days on end. Some will even drive down for the weekend, for crying out loud. Now, there is nothing wrong with Disneyland per se. It is an amusement park of the first order, and is also a capitalist's dream. I don't believe that there is anyone in the western world, and possibly the eastern world, who has not heard of Disney. Fantastic. But why do people limit themselves to that vacation spot? Frankly, it boggles my mind to think that people have so little imagination that the first and only thing they think of when they think of vacations is to say, "Let's go to Disneyland!"

Yes, the economy is tough. But ask yourself a question: What do our kids learn by vacationing at Disneyland? Yes, they have fun and yes, they know all of the characters and yes, they like the toys and clothes and mouse-ear hats they get when they go down there. But I ask again - what do they learn?

Here's my suggestion. Keep your Disneyland vacations. That's fine. But instead of going every year or several times a year, put away a little extra money and go somewhere that isn't America. Even if you go to Canada, you're learning something. (Heck, even if you go to Washington state, you're seeing some beautiful scenery and meeting some people who don't think exactly the same way that you do!)

If you like driving, pick a direction and figure out how far you can go in the time that you have. If flying is your thing, even better. Go somewhere. Go to another country. Visit another culture. See and understand that not everyone is American. Not everyone hates or loves America. Not everyone does things the same way that Americans do.

If you read my first two chapters of the book that I'm considering writing, you will have gathered that culture shock was a very real occurrence for me. And yet, I learned. I adapted. I gained insight into the people of another culture. Don't smirk, the French may be a part of the "Western World", but they don't do everything the way that we do, and I have to tell you that some of their ways are better. Not all ... but some.

What I'm really trying to say is that Disneyland lets you play. Great. It lets you see people from different lands using digital cameras and eating junk food. Fabulous. But one doesn't gain insight into other lands, or even their own land, by going to the "Magic Kingdom".

Travel. Visit. Experience. Embrace another culture. Don't go expecting it to be another version of your own country, but enjoy the differences and immerse yourself. I guarantee that the experience will be something that you treasure far more than shaking Goofy's hand again and getting Mickey's autograph on your hat. *** Spoiler alert *** It isn't really Goofy or Mickey. They are people in costumes, and they are just signing Goofy or Mickey's name. Sorry to ruin it for you all, but it's true.

One more thing - riding "It's a Small World" doesn't count as visiting other cultures. You lose points if you think that.

What Time Has Taught Me

Just some random thoughts on what growing "older" has taught me.

1) Nothing is worth getting angry over. In the big scheme of things, it just isn't worth it. Anger results in so many other problems ranging from high blood pressure to road rage to just plain bad feelings - it's just best to let it go.

2) It's okay to apologize, even when it isn't your fault. Apologizing isn't a sign of weakness - it's a sign of maturity and a willingness to let things go, even if you are taking the worst of the bargain.

3) Keeping the eye simple is best. It's okay to have toys, but are you prepared to let them go if you have to? People are worth more than any "thing".

4) Marriages aren't supposed to be perfect in this system. The people who say that they never have to work at having a good marriage probably have no idea what's on their spouse's mind. Marriages are hard work, but one of the best rules to make one work is to always put the other's needs first. If both parties do this, then they will always look out for the other one, and the marriage will not have to deal with selfishness. I think selfishness is one of the biggest problems in marriage.

5) Violent shows aren't good for anyone. As the years have gone by, I have become very sensitive to violence on television and movies. Films that I might have enjoyed at one stage in my life have become very distasteful at this point. All violent shows do is immunize us from the traumas and pain caused by true violence. That includes violent video games, folks.

6) Guys may think that they look more distinguished as they age, but that's only because women tend to view the whole package: personality, wisdom, humor, etc. Guess what, guys ... women can look distinguished as they age, too. We just have to quit focusing so much on the exterior, and treasure the interior.

That's just a few thoughts for now. Preachy? Maybe. But I named this blog "Time Teaches" for a reason. Every now and then it just seems wise to take a step back and think of what we've learned over the years. If we have learned nothing, then we have wasted time.

Can't Rant?

Here we are, late on a Sunday night. I'm a bit wired, being back on a diet again, so I sit here at my computer trying to think of something to rant about. Should I rant about my diet? No. No one cares, least of all me. Should I rant about sports? No, not much going on that interests me. How about politics? I think I've learned my lesson about controversial topics. (No, I haven't, but I don't feel like writing about it tonight.) So what's it going to be?

In reality, nothing really interests me right now. I'm sick of the political wrangling all over television about "Obama's a socialist" and "Glenn Beck is a wiener" and "Rush Limbaugh is a drug-addled gas bag" and the like. Have you ever wondered what would happen if all sides just quit with the name calling and the party platforms and just got to work? Scary thought, isn't it?

Anyway, I think what I'll do tonight is just post a few things that I think, no matter how random or silly they may be. (Like that would be different in any case?)

1) Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is a great book. Period. The wittiness, intelligence, and sometime silliness that Douglas Adams put down on paper is not to be missed. Don't judge this book by the recent movie adaptation. That version doesn't do the book any justice. In fact, I would much rather watch the old BBC version than the recent film. Nevertheless, just read the book.

2) There is almost no new music out there that I like. It all sounds the same to me. Maybe I'm getting old. (All of you people nodding your heads right now...stop it.) I like a variety of music, but with Garth Brooks retired, and the majority of artists out there over-synthesizing their songs so that you can't tell if it's live or Memorex, I just can't find anything I like. On top of that, one of my favorite groups, Rockapella, is losing another member. That makes 3 out of 5 gone within the last five years or so. It just isn't the same. Anyway, if you like music that is described as "folk", but is actually a combination of folk, blues, and just plain talent, give a listen to Amos Lee. He's fantastic.

3) I love the variety of internet comic strips out there devoted to the Disney takeover of Marvel. One of my favorites has the X-Men's Beast being let go by Human Resources due to redundant positions. (Think "Beauty and the...".) Another one has Mickey Mouse looking over his shoulder with Wolverine claws sticking out. Just plain funny stuff.

4) I think the Kings are going to be terrible again this year. I hope not, but I think they will.

4b) I think the 49ers will be very average this year, but could finish over .500.

4c) The Raiders will be lucky to win a game.

4d) Michael Crabtree is an idiot.

4e) I need to go to a Rivercats game some day.

5) I need to go to bed now.

That last one just struck me. Amazing, don't you think?

Side note to those who keep asking for chapter 3 of French Bred: It isn't coming anytime soon. If I write it, I'll email it to the few people asking for it. I won't post it here.

Why So Difficult?

I'm having trouble writing anything these days. It isn't because there isn't anything interesting in the news, although the majority seems to be health care, the budget mess, unemployment, and a solved kidnapping. I'm sure that I could come up with something to rant about. Goodness knows that ranting is not only a hobby, but a skill that I possess. And yet, I don't feel like writing.

Perhaps it was the last few blogs and the comments they drew. The cattiness of those few responses really put me off writing. I know it shouldn't bother me, but I hate illogic in responses.

Perhaps it's that I'm dealing with something I really dislike: moving. No, I'm not changing home addresses again. Instead, I had to move from a huge office in a remote section of the plant to a tiny office right on the main drag. The office has a big window in the front looking out onto the main hallway. Needless to say, I keep the shades drawn. With the shades open, people walking by just feel some incredible urge to look at me through the window. I told my boss that if I was going to leave the shades open, I would have to install a vending machine out front that would sell peanuts for a quarter. Then, employees who want to stare can also buy some peanuts to throw into my office. The only risk would be an internal desire to fling poop at them as they do it. No. I'll keep the shades closed.

I'm not only having trouble writing my blog, but I'm having great difficulty convincing myself to sit down each night and work on my book. Maybe it's a fear of failure, or just my ADD kicking in. I don't know. But I just can't get around to working on it. I guess I was hoping for more feedback from readers, even though I did get some very positive feedback from several friends who took the valuable time from their days to give it a look. I would have liked more readers, though, to really convince me if my writing is worth the effort.

Anyway, I'll try to get back to writing the blog as close to daily as I can. As for the book ... who knows?

Anyone got a peanut?