Les Moto-crottes

*** This one's for a nagging person to tide her over. You know who I mean, Angela. It will probably be in the manuscript in some form, but I thought I'd throw it in here for fun. ***

As I walked through the outer suburbs of Paris, I learned a very important life lesson: keep glancing down as you walk. Now, one can't do this all of the time, unless one wants to become very close friends with a lamp post or the bottom of a long flight of Metro stairs. However, it is absolutely necessary in the areas that are not exactly Paris, but are suburbs attached to the city. There are land mines present. Not the kind that literally explode and do shrapnel damage. No, these little brown bombs are left behind by four-legged terrorists, and their "free to do as I wish" owners. If you wish to keep your shoes clean, you have to learn a couple of moves that, here in the U.S., might qualify you to join the Cirque de Soleil. It is a move called the "glance and dodge". Here's how the dance goes. As you walk, whether alone or with someone else, you must keep your eyes flashing downward, at least 10 feet ahead of where you expect to be. Upon seeing telltale evidence of sidewalk mines, your mind must, in a flash, determine whether you will dodge left, right, or gauge your steps to deftly walk over the pile without skipping a beat. Failure to do so may result in laughter, illness, mockery, or a new brand of disposable footwear.

This problem doesn't exist in Paris proper. I wasn't sure why. Nor was I sure how. Paris is a busy, crowded metropolis, with more sidewalks than one can count. I imagined an army of men in Ville de Paris green uniforms, pooper-scooper in hand, running down the sidewalks disarming the bombs before they can explode. It was only later that I found out that the City of Paris has an amazing tool for cleaning up the m***de. They are motorcycles equipped with vacuum systems that literally scoop up the poop as the rider travels along. They are affectionately called the moto-crottes, "crotte" being a slang term for, well...you know. I'm unsure how one would add this to a resume' or a job application. "Well, Monsieur Homme, I see that you worked for the City of Paris, but I can't really understand what a maitre des crottes actually does. Can you explain it?"

As for me, I think it's genius. While it would be even better if, instead of the dogs, the masters could be trained to clean up after their pooping poodles, the motorcycles with the vacuums are a brilliant way to keep the streets cleaner. And yet, it was my brother-in-law who gave me a better name for this equipment. He works for the City of Paris, and he knows all the in's and out's of what it takes to keep the streets clean. His name for the motorcycles? Caca-sakis.

You have to love that French sense of humor.