Let It Go

When I created this blog, I entitled it "Time Teaches" because my intent was to include some things that I have learned throughout my life.  It's often better to learn the easy way than to learn the hard way ... isn't it?  Well, today will be one of those times, as I want to write about the tendency to take offense.

In the old days, those who quickly took offense were usually placed in a "kill or be killed" situation called a duel.  Frankly, I think that probably kept the holding of grudges to a minimum.

Nowadays, people are so quick to take offense that they still shoot each other, although in road rage or gang-related incidents.  But thankfully, not everyone reacts in a violent manner.  Some just slowly poison themselves over time as the anger and bitterness eat away at them and turn them into shells of their former selves.

I have known people like that, and I have seen them change for the better.  How did they do it?  They looked inward.  They realized that everyone, and I mean everyone, is imperfect.  We all make mistakes.  We all say things we wish we had not said.  And we all get hurt from time to time.  But when we take offense at something, do we really have reason to do so?  Do we stop to think about the idea that a comment may have been innocent, directed elsewhere, a generalized commentary, or just a slip of the tongue?  In those cases, it is always better to stop, think, and then put any hurt feelings aside.

What if the comment was intended to hurt?  What if the person did direct it at us, or if they don't realize what they said?  Instead of holding on to anger, couldn't we just talk it out?

In any case, those who study the effect of emotions on human health invariably come to the conclusion that anger that is not eliminated causes negative effects on the person holding on to the anger.  It certainly doesn't hurt the one that the anger is being held against!

In the end, there are several options available to you if you feel anger towards, or hurt by someone.

1)  Analyze it.  Was it really important?  Was it intended to hurt?  Haven't you said something you regretted?
2)  Talk it out.  The Bible talks about regaining your brother.  Isn't it best to clear the air in a calm manner?
3)  Don't accuse.  When you are talking it out, avoid generalizations like, "You always" and "You never".
4)  Take a deep breath, and let it go.  Why poison yourself?  Why not put it behind you?  When it all comes down to it, the person who caused the hurt, whether intentionally or accidentally, isn't going to be walking down the sidewalk, clutch his chest, and say, "I'm having a heart attack!  I must have hurt the feelings of so-and-so!  Oh the humanity!"  Instead, you will probably be the one with stomach pain, negative emotions, and a sense of resentment that makes you a person no one wants to be around.

I learned this over the course of years, and it has served me well.  I'm glad that I have the reputation as someone who doesn't hold a grudge.  Yes, I can be hurt.  Yes, I can be offended.  But when I apply the ideas above, it doesn't last.

There's enough trouble and difficulty in this world.  Why cause more to yourself by taking offense.

In the words of the great Sean Connery, "Indiana...let it go."